Friday, June 14, 2013

Exhibit #1: 'Brother from Another Mother', Dominant Impression writing

Dominant Impression Reflection
Christian Amering
Brother from Another Mother

It is now funny to look back at this paper after I had written it earlier this year. A lot has changed from when I wrote this paper, including my now continued friendship with Paul, and also where I decided to go to College. When I wrote this paper, I was nearly certain that I would be going to RPI in the fall to attend college with Paul. Now I am going to University of Buffalo which is nearly completely opposite directions.
 As I reflect on this paper, I really realized what I began to instill in my writing. From this paper, I learned to use example, and really expand upon a topic, even if it is just as basic as a long-lasting friendship. Paul has always given me a lot to talk about with all the fun stuff we do, and almost made writing this paper easy.
 One of the biggest things this paper allowed me to do was to realize how writing is not just something that is written, and forgotten, but is also a historical document. When you write the paper, you are writing about current time, but as I look back on this paper, I realize how much has changed, and how life doesn't always go as planned.
 Once I revised this copy, I truly saw the potential that this paper had. By simply moving around a couple paragraphs and expanding upon certain points I made really allow the reader to be intrigued by my life with Penfield Soccer. The weaknesses at first in this paper included lack of detail and expanding upon the topic, and also originally the title.
 When Mrs. Basko revised my original paper, she recommended including dialogue so that the reader knew some of the words Paul had said to me. I attempted to go into the piece and add in some, but found it difficult because I almost found myself just describing my point of view of Paul, not giving specific examples of when we conversed. To make up for the lack of dialogue, I expanded upon some different points in my senior year without Paul, to really show how much different it is to have Paul around on our team.
 As I conclude this reflection, I would love to in the future re-read this paper, and then maybe rewrite another version of it, based on my friendship with Paul in the future, and how we have both changed. 

Here is my revised copy: 
Brother from Another Mother
           
Growing up throughout elementary school, my afternoons consisted of watching my older brother play high school soccer. One of his team mates, Mike Lentine was seen by everyone as the popular jock and was also known for his parties. After games he was seen with his under dressed girlfriend, who would most likely be seen kissing. For most kids, this cocky young Italian is what most kids pictured and idolized growing up.
            However, in my case, I idolized his younger brother Paul, who was currently the youngling prancing up and down the white stripes as the ball boy. He distinguished himself to me as a serious soccer player like his brother, despite his smaller figure.
            As I entered varsity soccer for my first year, there was no one I looked up to more than Paul.
            Varsity soccer took me by awe as I had dreamed of playing sense watching my brother win states in 2004. Entering my first year consisted of a sectional final championship, and following right after the Penfield Soccer tradition of greatness. We played as one. If something happened to one of us, it affected us all. We were the true definition of a team, and it showed. Prep talks before games, pasta dinners and film sessions all distinguished us from the other teams and ultimately helped us win sectionals.
            Leadership was the biggest part of my sophomore year on Varsity, and effectively ruined my final senior year, with a lackluster season. I have always been more comfortable being led, and then leading a team on my own. I usually let my play speak for me, but when your team doesn't follow, you end up with a season like we did. We truly lacked a true leader that could back up his words with their play.
            My junior year, as every other year, started with doubt and what our team was going to be able to accomplish throughout the upcoming season. One thing we didn't lack however going into the year, once again, was leadership. I was pushed on the field to become a better player. Paul Lentine was the engine behind our team.
            Finally being able to play with a kid that I had watched dominate the previous season, as a starter we built a friendship that is considered unbreakable at this point. On the field, Paul would work to the point in which he was bent over, on a garbage can, sweat running down his face, hurling. But before you knew it he was right back on the turf beads, leading a suicide again.
            I recall one game when our team was struggling, Paul came up to me and said now is your time to make your mark on Penfield Soccer. I had somewhat played a decent game and knew I had it in me to truly dictate who won the game. He told me that now was the time. Within the next couple of plays, I found myself in a give-and- go play which led me one on one with the keeper. I slotted the ball lower left corner, past the keeper, and that ultimately decided the game.
            Since Paul was a year older than me, and we hung out so much, I felt as though I grew up in his grade. When he left for college, I was not quite sure what to do with my life.
            He continued to pursue soccer at Rensselaer, and was also seen to his new teammates pushing himself to the point of exhaustion, and hurling. And I was left at high school, with a far from ordinary loosing soccer team.
            As much as I would love to compare myself to Paul, I am just not the same person.
            Paul’s endless determination and good nature is just something that most people cannot compare to. I still remember him on the radiating turf, yelling in pain as he cramped up from another extensive workout, and in a game huffing and puffing as he sprinted up and down the touchlines in order to help us sneak away with another win.
            Off the field, he had an unforgettable cackle and a “aye” yelp whenever he got pumped. However he also was a serious character that anyone could distinguish without even seeing him, due being overshadowing from his previous generation brothers.
            At this point in my somewhat lackluster senior year, influenced by our soccer season, I only can imagine what Rensselaer will provide next year when the college experience engulfs me when I once again get to join Paul.

            Penfield soccer has been my upbringing. From the early morning practices in the summer, with sweat dripping down my face in the grueling sun, to the late fall practices wearing our red and white striped warm-ups, Penfield soccer defines who I am. The people surrounding soccer have also helped characterize who I am, and no one is more influential then Paul Lentine. 

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